The selfishness of parents deprived children of suitable role models which make them doubt the sense of permanence. By the time they grow up, they were already accustomed to a discontinuous lifestyle marked by constant threats of abandonment and the lack of any emotional stability.
I am really sad because the person who did this to my children is their father. Even if my kids would never let other people see how much damage is inflicted on them, I know in my heart that they are hurt. I love them very much and I don’t want them to suffer because their dad is not the ideal father they want.
Really frustrating to be with a person with personality and behavioral disorder. One time, he’s nice, the next time you see him, he got tantrums. He changes moods as many times as you could count your fingers in a day. He fails to realize that his sudden outbursts and reactions depart from the typical human experience. He finds it difficult to understand how his wife, kids, friends, and other family members react to his intense reactions, mood swings, and risky behavior.
Needless to say, staying together with this type of people, can be fraught with crises and conflict. I dunno if there is still a possibility towards recovery because even if he recovers, it does not mean total elimination of his disorder. He has inflexible negative behavior patterns, an unstable self-image, uncontrollable emotions, and impulsivity that I dunno what causes them. He has difficulty processing information and does not have healthy interpersonal relationships. He always wants to be the boss and has the final say.
His sense of self is distorted. He doesn’t truly understand who he really is, so he tries on different behaviors. It is not uncommon for them to be distant, authoritative, friendly or hostile with the same person in the same day. He is intensely reactive to situations or events even without a valid reason.
I dunno how to adjust. He isn’t even fully aware of his behavior and its effect on other people. He is overly reactive and often catches everyone else by surprise with intense anger, yelling or disrespect for those nearby or receiving their comments. He is unable to control his own emotions and defend them as totally appropriate, and insist that you should too even if it is inappropriate. He also uses emotional manipulation to hurt others especially his family without realizing that he pushes them away instead of getting what he wants in the long run. I also don’t understand why he seems clueless about his devastating and exhausting emotional impact on others.
He always blames other people and finds fault with everything that person does while not seeing his faults. He avoids taking responsibility for their problems. He doesn’t listen to feedback, regardless of how helpful and truthful it may be. He cannot grasp the consequences of his actions. Totally, irresponsible.
Better, that our kids are intelligent. But I know that this is only their coping mechanism because their dad is acting like a child and who always resort to blaming, shame, verbal abuse and any other form of manipulation just to get his way. Without knowing that it interferes with our children’s sense of safety and trust. Their dad’s distorted behavior creates a significant distress on our kids who might be at serious risk of doubting their own perceptions.
I came up with a decision many years ago, that my kids are better off without their father. Since I am an objective person, I do not want to deprive their father of his role in the family even if we already separated. In my experience in court, 5 years back, the reasonable parent is often blamed for being a high-conflict parent. My husband, on the other hand, is more persuasive and charming in court than me although, in truth, he is a negative influence on them.
Partners of this type of people dread being blamed for their bad mood, recent work disappointment, or fluctuating body image. But, most importantly, children need to internalize a sense of self that is basically good and deserving of love, care, and attention which comes directly from their mothers and caregivers. This sense becomes the solid foundation on which a child’s future emotional and mental well-being is built.